Part 15: Versus: Snake

_{content warning: allusions to suicidal actions}

[BGM: Dance of the Snakes]


Finally! A challenger. I knew you were a fun one, Snake. Care to join me in a battle of wits?

Comparing any of the games we've seen so far to a battle of wits is like comparing a paradelle to poetry.

But I'm reasonably confident in my abilities no matter which game you choose. All I've seen from you are parlor tricks designed to exploit your opponent's intellectual blind spots.

Perhaps this comes across as arrogant, but I possess no such blind spots. I will be no easy opponent.

Yeah, that comes across as extremely arrogant! But I guess you're not that wrong, really. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses.

And while you've got plenty of weaknesses, Snake, I'll concede that speaking intellectually you're fairly well rounded. I certainly won't be able to pull any cheap tricks. So then the question: what to play against you? Hmm...



I could hear Dog tapping his forehead while he looked through the list.

Well, let's have some fun, why don't we.

It looks like you've already been having fun.

Let's play...



Russian Roulette!

Russian Roulette? Dog re-entered the room.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint, Dog, but I believe we'd need guns for that.

Oh, like these?

Dog pulled two guns out of his pocket.

Holy shit!

What the hell, Dog?! When did you get those?



They were under the dartboard. Figured I'd hold onto them.

If you had those, why have you been acting all defenseless? You literally have a gun!

Yeah, well, I didn't think to grab bullets at the time, and if any of you saw me grabbing bullets I'd probably be decked. I figured if it'd be that much trouble to get it set up, I might as well play things fairly straight.

But now we've got a great excuse!

I must ask, what do the rules of 'Russian Roulette' constitute? The tradition is fairly ambiguous, and not normally a competition.

I guess I've gotta come up with rules for this, huh?

Dog took a moment to formalize his thoughts.



Okay, let's go with this. To start with, if you ever shoot yourself in the head, that's obviously an instant loss regardless of any other contexts. Also, whenever you shoot, you have to spin the cylinder enough so that it's totally random.

We'll each have a gun and 6 bullets. We can then load any amount of bullets we want into the gun.

None? 6? Doesn't matter to me.

Next, we show our guns. Whoever loaded more bullets, wins.

But there's a catch.

Right. Both players have to fire the gun at themselves before a winner can be declared.

Even the supposed 'loser' has to shoot?

Exactly.



To avoid a 'both dead' situation, the loser will shoot first. If we put in an equal amount of bullets, the game then becomes who is willing to fire at themselves more. If I fire, then you fire, then I fire and you're not willing to fire again, I'd win.

If we've fired an equal amount of times, and neither of us are willing to shoot again, then we restart from the beginning.

That all fly with you?

I must say, it's a bit unorthodox, but I guess I don't have much choice in the matter, do I?

I'm sad to say you don't.

In that case, go get the bullets.

Dog nodded and obliged. To the side, Monkey whispered to me.



It's honestly quite a fascinating puzzle.

Really? It seems pretty luck-based to me.

Certainly, chance is a large factor. However, there's also a psychological problem at play. If you put in more than 3 bullets, then win or lose you're more likely than not to die anyways.

The worst situation would be having less bullets than your opponent and still having the possibility of shooting yourself. In that sense, if you think you're going to have less bullets, it would be best to put in no bullets and simply hope the opponent kills themselves.

But if you put in no bullets, your opponent could just put in one, and they could win with very little risk.



It's also worth noting that the loser fires first. If you think your opponent is going to shoot for the moon with 4 or even 5 bullets, it could be worth it to simply put in 6 bullets and hope they kill themselves.

That seems way too risky a move. If you put in 5 or 6 and the other person put in 1 or 2, it'd be over like that.

One thing's clear: it's almost impossible to win this game without some amount of risk.

You're telling me.

It's a shame. I've always wanted to try out Russian Roulette.

You what?! Are you suicidal?

Of course not, of course not. I'm just saying, it's an intriguing premise.

Feeling the weight of the gun in your hand, the thoughts that must enter your head as you slowly pull down the trigger, the unsure atmosphere after you've pulled the trigger, between heaven and hell.



It's surely a fascinating experience. From a professional point of view, of course.

…

I subtly took a step away from Monkey, and made a mental note to consider changing therapists after we got out of here. Anyways, while we had been talking, Dog and Snake had prepared everything. They each held a pistol and six bullets. Then they nodded at each other and brought their items under the table. After some time had passed, both were ready.

[BGM: Silence]


Ready to begin?

I've loaded my bullets. Have you yours?

Yup.

Then let's show.

Snake held up his gun.

I've loaded 4 bullets into my gun.

Four?

My, that's quite a few bullets. What on earth would prompt you to do that?

On the one hand, it might seem like it's quite a risk of my life.

[BGM: Slithering]


However, my odds should be considerably higher than one third when you consider that by loading four, I have nearly guaranteed my victory. I suspect that you've loaded two to three bullets. That should be the standard move.

In the worse case scenario where you've loaded two, you have a one in three chance of killing yourself, and failing that, I have a one in three chance of surviving. Achieving two in three odds for this sort of gamble is perfectly acceptable to me.

Neat thought process you've got there, Snake. Unfortunately for you, I'm a real scaredy-cat.

Dog held up his gun.

I've only loaded one bullet. I have to be honest- I thought you were going to load zero bullets.

Well this is quite unfortunate.

You're telling me. Looks like we've completely misread each other.

I think this works out mostly for me, though.

I'm afraid you're right. But I am yet to be sunk.



Right, right, I could shoot myself now. Let's see if that happens, shall we?

Without so much as a second thought, Dog began rapidly spinning his cylinder. Then he held the pistol to the side of his head and fired.

…

He didn't roll a one.

That's that. Now, time for you to spin.

Your unwavering confidence in the face of danger is commendable. I wish I had your resolve.

Getting cold feet?

Yes.



Let us hope my time in the military has served me well.

Time in the military?

There are many different types of pistol. And there's a funny defect about some of them. Many let weight affect how they spin around in the cylinder. By examining it, I think this is one such pistol.

I've loaded my four bullets in a line. By shifting the center of gravity within the chamber so drastically, it should be more likely that I end up with a bullet-less shot.

Wow. Cute theory.

But will it work?

We shall find out.

[BGM: Silence]
Snake held the pistol straight out, then gave it a few good spins. He let the cylinder come to a natural stop, then he brought it to the side of his head.

He took a deep breath in.

Plaudite, acta est fabula.

Then he pulled the trigger.



*click*

Ah.

It appears my gambit has paid off. I'm sorry to inform you Dog, but you are no longer in cont-



*BLAM!*

Snake was shot right through the head. His body went limp in his chair.

No!!! What the hell?! Why did he...

I felt the urge to vomit.

[BGM: Fire Breath]


Sitting across from Snake, Dog held out his gun with a blank look on his face.

Dog! What the hell do you think you're doing?

I made the rules perfectly clear, didn't I? 'The cylinders must be spun so that the shot is completely random'.

Oh, Snake. Always so eager to prove your cleverness. If he had just shut up, he would've gotten away with it.

He didn't cheat, the pistols were built like that!

Oh really? Then Brian, if Snake didn't cheat, execute me right here, right now.

There was a long pause of silence with Dog looking up in the air.



Well, that settles that. So, next up...

Dog leaned over and grabbed the gun from Snake's still-warm hand. It took a second to process what he was doing, but once I realized it, I immediately began running.

Get away!

My warning spurred other spectators to start hiding out. I slid behind the nearby wall as cover. A bullet whizzed right by my side, almost grazing my jacket.

Why are you running?

Shit. Using Russian Roulette as an excuse, Dog had gained control of the situation. The only way to approach him now would be to use the Taming Whip. But who could challenge him? Pig? Sheep? Monkey? No, I knew what I had to do.

What I should've already done before Snake challenged him.

I ran towards the nearest empty room. Then, when I was safe, I turned on my tablet and pressed the ITEM button. I input the code. And...



Congratulations! You've begun an attempt to tame Dog. Please wait for Dog to select the game you will be challenging him to.

[BGM: Silence]


With that, he couldn't harm me without interfering with the game. I walked back into the Commons, and Dog was looking fairly miffed. Those Dog had already tamed were standing around, but those still clear had fled to nearby hiding spots, scared off by the gun.

Well, well, well. So it's come to this.

That it has.

I had a feeling I'd face you down before this was done.

Did you now?

Well, to be fair, I had a feeling I'd face most of you people.

Before I agree to anything, I've got a request.

Hit me.



I want you to place the guns over there by the couch.

What? Why?

I think that even if I win, you might be such a sore loser that you're going to try and kill me.

For real? That's a totally uncool thing to do. You really think I'd do something like that?

I wouldn't put it past you.

Well, if it makes you happy.



Dog walked over to the nearby couch and placed both pistols down.

That good enough for you?

Yup. Now, pick a game for us to play.

Okay, okay, on it.

Dog whistled as he looked through the list. There were two dead bodies in this room. How could he act so nonchalantly? He really didn't care about anything. No, that couldn't be right. If he didn't, he wouldn't be going through all of this.

I could be lame and just choose a game already done, but that's no fun. Let's just go with a classic.

You seem to be a very honest person, Mouse.

I try to be.



Then you should struggle at 'Liar's Dice'.